10-8, Speicher In Service

Well, it's official: I have made it through the classroom training and am out on the dispatch floor where I will be taking radio calls and phone calls at different segments of time over the summer.  I have passed all of my written finals and have an adequate amount of knowledge.  Now it is time for me to implement the knowledge I have learned.  This will prove to be a difficult transition.  I have always been a good test-taker.  My scoring the highest in each of my respective finals means very little if I can't put those lessons to swift and accurate action.

It still hasn't really hit me that this is my job yet.  I have had those startling wake-up calls that have snapped me to the reality of it.  Take for instance the mother of the little boy who was having a seizure.  I listened as my co-worker (a communications officer who has only been there for three years, but speaks like she's been there a decade) calmly asked the mother question after question, prompting screen after screen on her computer to pop up.  It was absolutely amazing to me how calm she remained, how persistent she was and how specific each direction was.  Step by step the computer program, ProQA, prompted her to ask question after question, with each one leading her to an eventual priority code for the Fire/Medical and Law Enforcement units and also to what they call post-dispatch instructions.  These instructions are often mundane: Go unlock the door; put up your pets; turn on an outdoor light; watch the patient very closely; call if anything changes.  However, depending on the call, they become anything but mundane and, in the most practical and tangible way possible, save lives.  Sometimes a caller will be instructed to give CPR.  Other times the caller could even be instructed on how to deliver a baby.

And, the sobering thought hits me...  I am the one who will be giving those instructions.

There was the time that the officer came in to give details on a 10-48...  An injury accident.  They spoke of how the driver was propelled from his seat, out of the window and how it cut this artery and that artery.  "It was a good thing we got out there when we did, another minute or two and he wouldn't be with us," the officer stated.  One or two minutes.  That is my margin of error.  And, that was just on that call.  If the girl across the room hadn't taken the call quickly enough and put it in the computer quickly enough...  If the girl I was observing hadn't dispatched it out as quickly as she did...  There would be one less young man living in Douglas County today.

Humbling...  I will be the one with the zero sum margin of error.

Those thoughts come and they go.  And, I am still sitting behind a console with five computer monitors staring at me...  Expecting me to know what I'm doing.  I do not.  I am reassured by my training officer that I shouldn't know what I'm doing yet.  I wonder, at times, when he'll quit telling me that...  Is there a certain day that I should know what I'm doing?  It would be great if he'd mark that on the calendar.

This week I have been working the "info" position.  It is grueling.  I think I got the absolute worst deal possible.  I was scheduled on the morning shift which starts at 6:30am...  On the slowest position (on average maybe 10 radio communications from officers per hour)...  With a training officer who is not a morning person, either and, by his own admission, is very picky and likes things done "right"...  In my first stint out on the communications center floor.  What cruel trick are they trying to pull?  Oh well, it is trial by fire.  If I can make it through this shift with this training officer...  Surely I will be ready for most anything.

In a month I will be on the "call take" position.  This scares me more than any other position.  I joke with friends that the first time I get a panicked phone call, I'm going to tell them, "HOLY CRAP!!  YOU REALLY OUGHT OT CALL 911!!"  And, although I'm joking, that's what I'm talking about.  I seriously haven't really let it set in that I am 911.  That's me.  When people call because someone got stabbed or someone got shot or someone is having a heart attack...  I'm the first first responder.  I have to balance being professional, accurate and specific...  And being compassionate and counseling someone through what, most likely, is the worst day of their lives and, very possibly, might be the worst day of their lives, ever.  And, don't even make me think about Signal 4's...  The suicide cases.  What am I gonna say then?!?!  "Ummmm...  Don't!  PLEASE, DON'T!"  Do I at least bargain with them to wait until shift change?  Talk about a "life in your hands"...  I've talked people down from stupid decisions before...  But, talking someone out of a suicide is a whole different ball game.  It's one thing to not succeed at talking your friend out of smoking weed or drinking a half a handle of vodka...  Or going down a path of life that probably isn't best for them; It's a completely different thing to not succeed at talking someone down from putting a gun in their mouths and pulling the trigger.  I can help navigate a boat that's still sailing...  But, once they've decided to forsake the helm altogether, I cannot take the wheel.  It's over.  Ship's sunk.  And, I am left wondering if I might have been able to navigate better...  Made decisions to keep them afloat.

These are all feelings that newbies have.  I am reassured by everyone there that by the time training is over I will be nearly devoid of all feelings for callers.  I will not see them as real people.  I assume that is because if you become attached with every caller who has had a heart attack or had their cat stuck up a tree...  Then, you'd go crazy.  I can't tell if being jaded is a good thing or not.  I suppose as long as I allow for enough compassion to calm a distraught caller and muster enough personal rapport to attempt to stop a suicide, than it wouldn't be so bad being devoid of emotions.  I suppose the trick is not taking that void home with me.

Keep praying for me...  I love this job.  But, doggone it if it doesn't scare me half to death.  Here's a prayer I kind of made up on my first day of work.  It's kind of in the "Serenity Prayer" format, but modified to fit what I need God to help me with at my job.  Perhaps you can modify it to fit your job when you're feeling a bit overwhelmed.

A Dispatcher's Prayer
By: Danny Speicher
5/30/2009

Dear Lord, please help my mind to be sharp
So that I might focus on the needs of others
Help my ears to be trained
To listen to the calls that need my attention
Train my heart to persevere
Though, at times, I may feel overwhelmed
Keep my voice steady and calm
As I guide citizens and professionals
Keep my hands quick and accurate
So that I might relay details precisely

Lord, never let me become discouraged
For I know You've put me here to help my community
Never let me be fearful
For I know You drive my words and actions
Never let me forget that You are my provider
And You will provide, hour by hour, what I need in this job

It varies each time I say it.  But, I usually get the important elements in there.  And, all day long, I repeat to myself, "The Lord is my Shepherd...  The Lord is my Shepherd...  The Lord is my Shepherd...  I will fear no evil...  I will fear no evil...  I will fear no evil...  You are with me...  You are with me...  You are with me."  Somehow, the repetitiveness of those three facts from Psalm 23 really calm me down when I start stressing over a bonehead move or when I start wondering if I made the right choice to take this job.

Anyway...  Prayers.  Keep them up.  I really covet them and appreciate them!  Thanks for everything you guys do for me...  And, for understanding if I haven't been hanging out with you nearly as much as I had up to this point.  I will get back into the routine of having a social life...  But, this Saturday-Wednesday/6:30a-2:30a jazz is just eating at me.  Thanks for understanding!  Love you all!

--Danny