They Give Away Their Freedom

Yesterday I was a part of marrying off yet another one of my best friends.  In the course of the last month, I have done so twice.  In the course of three years, I have done so five times.  This past wedding leaves me as one of very few in my band of cohorts to be unwed.  It isn't all bad.  It was bound to happen to one of us this way.  But, nothing really prepares you to be one of the last to be alone.  Having said that, these weddings have given me an even greater chance to evaluate what love is.  To think it over and decide just what a romantic love looks like.

It has been well over a year since my view of love has been shaken to its core.  That simple view I had of love, albeit, in and of itself, romantic...  Was sadly naive.  How obvious that became one night in April of 2008.  But, I have found myself desiring that love once again.  It had taken me quite a while to realize how much I really do miss it...  Even with it's inherent risks.  My absolute favorite quote about love is by C.S. Lewis because he is so pragmatic and so direct about the risks and pitfalls that love brings us into:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

To love at all is to be vulnerable.  A greater truth, quite possibly, has never been spoken.  I see couples, from time to time, who say "I love you", but never mean it.  They never mean it because they haven't let that person in to every corridor of their heart.  They haven't invited them in to those corridors and given them free reign to rearrange and criticize.  And, yes, to burn those corridors to the ground if that person so chooses.  To love is to let someone "in" completely.  Not just partially.  Not just on a bit by bit basis.

In our culture "love" is thrown around far too often to describe a feeling.  We "love" that special one when they give us something...  When they treat us a certain way...  When they make us "feel" special.  But, when that feeling fades, we often find ourselves wondering where that love went.  In our culture "love" describes an emotion.  When, in reality, true love is an expression of undying commitment that isn't easily broken by the storms and tidal waves of everyday life.  Love isn't a feeling expressed solely when that one that we love treats us with the kindness and respect we believe we deserve...  It isn't only when they are healthy and wise...  Or when they are rich or famous.  Love, in fact, isn't chosen by us.  In turn, love chooses us.  (Quite often by surprise.)  And when we are chosen, we have the ability to tarry through the times when our loved one isn't nice...  Isn't tactful...  Is sick...  Is misguided...  Has become poor and has lost any status that, perhaps, they once had.  Love, instead, laughs in the face of status and financial security and feelings and emotions.  And, instead, loves the person that they have been given to love, unconditionally just as Christ loves His church.

Yesterday at James and Katie's wedding, the following excerpt from Fredrick Buechner's book "Beyond Words" was read:

"They say they will love, comfort, honor each other to the end of their days. They say they will cherish each other and be faithful to each other always. They say they will do these things not just when they feel like it, but even -- for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health -- when they don’t feel like it at all. In other words, the vows they make could hardly be more extravagant. They give away their freedom. They take on themselves each other’s burdens. They bind their lives together... The question is, what do they get in return?"

Even when they don't feel like it at all...  They make a promise to cherish one another.  To not only, in theory, have love...  But, to express it when, by the world's standards, it is completely undeserved.  It could hardly be more extravagant.  Why?  Because, in doing so, they give up their freedom.  They are no longer their own person...  They are a family.  A family that sticks by one another despite the ups and downs, successes and failures, hopes and fears.  Extravagant...  Not because it is magnificent or glorious to the outward eye...  But, because during those times when their spouse is unlovable...  They find a way to simply, humbly and genuinely love.  And, when we choose to love without cause...  We love extravagantly.  So, what do they get in return for this extravagant and sacrificial love?  Buchner goes on:

"They get each other in return... There will always be the other to talk to, to listen to... There is still someone to get through the night with, to wake into the new day beside. If they have children, they can give them, as well as each other, roots and wings. If they don’t have children, they each become the other’s child…

"They both still have their lives apart as well as a life together. They both still have their separate ways to find. But a marriage made in heaven is one where a man and a woman become more richly themselves together than the chances are either of them could ever have managed to become alone."

They get each other.  A "someone" that will not move away if some better job or new educational opportunity comes their way.  A "someone" who will patiently listen when your stories are boring, depressing, mundane, ridiculous, absurd, negative and longwinded.  A "someone" who you know you'll lay down to each night and a "someone" you know you'll see when you first wake up in the morning.  All the while, building a stronger and stronger foundation together...  One so strong, in fact, that had they attempted to do so alone they would have failed.  They have the ability to become something so much more and so much more beautiful than anything they could have been alone.

This is the epitome of my friends James and Katie.

And, in listening to these words and bringing them close to my heart, I wondered silently as I stood on stage watching Katie beam from ear to ear, if I had ever had someone in whom I was so in love.  And, if I had, what went wrong?  If this is the extravagant love that God wants for His children so much, I wonder why he would take it away.  But, the reality is (and a reality that is rarely mentioned in wedding ceremonies), is that love is a great mystery.  Nobody really knows what true love is.  Even those who think they've got it...  End up realizing just how naive they were once they've been together longer and longer and that love grows deeper and deeper.  So deep, in fact, that they can look back and laugh at what they once thought was the epitome of love.

So, in closing, I covet your prayers.  I ask for them for my four friends (Randy & Tori and James & Katie) as they are embarking on their journeys of marriage.  But, I also, selfishly, ask for prayer as well.  I ask that you pray for me to recognize love when it finds me.  After all human nature is to shy away from the pain in which Lewis speaks...  And, doubly so when it has been levied upon us before.  I ask that you pray that I am able to easily trust and easily love...  As I once did before my heart was broken.  And, perhaps the most selfish of them all, I ask that you pray that she comes into my life quickly.  I so much want to give that love again.

I thank you all for loving me despite all the imperfections and downfalls I have!  I love you all!

"But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."

--Danny

In His Arms
By: Danny Speicher
July 4th, 2009

Safe and secure within these arms of mine
Safe and secure, holding my neck tightly
And your eyes clenched as light flashes brightly
Oh, little one, in my arms you'll be fine

The world will turn and, my dear, you'll soon find
That words can hurt far more than sticks or stones
And broken hearts ache more than broken bones
But, little one, in my arms you'll be fine

But, if the day comes when my arms fail you
And fade away just as all arms soon do
I pray that you'll find arms greater than mine
And, dear, in His arms, you will be just fine

A life of lost dreams left me deaf and blind
Unable to hear, not willing to see
A loving God still walking next to me
But, I soon found in His arms I was fine

And, if the day comes when my arms fail you
And fade away just as all arms soon do
I pray that you'll find arms greater than mine
And, dear, in His arms, you will be just fine

And His arms are bigger than your sorrows
And His arms, they will never let you down
In His arms you can take on tomorrow
When you learn that He'll always be around

So, if the day comes when my arms fail you
And fade away just as all arms soon do
I pray that you'll find arms greater than mine
And, dear, in His arms, you will be just fine

Friendship

This past Sunday my best friend of over twenty years got married to a beautiful girl named Tori.   They had it out at the lake and, despite the incredibly hot weather, the wedding was a beautiful celebration of two people who love each other very much.  I watched as a man who I often saw as the more light-hearted and fancy-free of the two of us, make a serious commitment that will immediately and permanently alter his life.  And, through it all I found myself reminiscing about the years that preceded this day in Randy's friendship with me.

I think the reminiscing started about a week out from the wedding when I started to write my speech that all best men must do as part of the honor of that title being bestowed upon them.  I started thinking back to all the fun times that Randy and I had.  There were certain summers where I couldn't go a day without Randy being at my door asking me to come out and play football with him and his sisters.  Or, asking me to go down to Kennedy Elementary School (our elementary alma mater) or to just go down to the pool.  (Looking back, it is a wonder that he and I didn't contract some horrible disease like malaria or tetanus due to the horrible upkeep of that pool.)  I remembered watching movie after movie with Randy.  One of my fondest movie memories was when he and I first saw Twister together.  We came out of that theater PUMPED!  It was by far and away the most thrill-packed movie either of us had ever seen in a theater.  Another is Happy Gilmore...  And how we watched it around twenty times in one summer (if not more.)

But, what really struck me about the memories I gathered about Randy, were the impact that he had on the most serious, grave and influential moments of my life.  Quite often, my decisions were a collaborative affair between myself, him and God.  I consulted Randy on many big decisions.  I like to think he did the same.  When I started dating my first REAL girlfriend right out of high school, he was there to give advice and, frankly, to calm me down when it came time to grant my first kiss.  He was also there when it became evident that she wasn't the one for me, and stayed nearby to make sure that I was going to be fine without her.  Of course, that greatly pales in comparison to his solidity during the really trying times in my life.  He was there when my grandma died.  He was there when my grandpa died.  He stayed close when my mom had a massive heart attack.  And, when I found a girl that I truly loved, he gave sound advice each step of the way.  And, when my heart was broken and I had no idea what my purpose was...  He reminded me that my purpose was greater and had more depth than loving one girl.  No matter how amazing that one girl was.

Randy defined and redefined what friendship was to me.  When I needed someone to slap me upside the head and tell me that I was being an idiot, he was there.  When I needed someone to remind me of my purpose, he was there.  When I needed someone to celebrate with when things were amazing, he was there.  And, when I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was almost always the first shoulder to come to my aid.

What is even more incredible is that Randy is not alone in the great friends I have had in my life.  I have had a string of friends who I know would gladly give their lives (metaphorically and literally) for mine.  And, I know that there are a string of friends who I would have done the same for.  Randy is simply the shining example because he has been that friend for the longest in my life.  I feel so incredibly fortunate to have had so many friends who have come along side me (both in the past and even still) and encouraged me and loved me.  And, I feel blessed to have had so many friends for whom I could return the favor.  I would begin to list all of you, but, inevitably, I would leave one or two out and then I'd be in trouble.  But, they know who they are.  And, I definitely know who they are.

I guess all I can say to wrap up this post is to say this:  If you have a friend who you know would give their life for you or if you have a friend who unconditionally loves you despite your most hurtful flaws...  I encourage you to let them know that.  Let them know and thank them by being the friend to them that they have been to you all along.

Friendship is one of those gifts that is invaluable.  It is also one that you aren't guaranteed to be given...  At all or at the same level you have come to enjoy.  That is why it is so important to let those friends know you love them often.  Friends come and friends also go.  And, that is the way life is set up.  But, legacies live on, even after the friends have moved on.  Make sure that you leave a legacy for your friends to remember when you've moved away, moved on to the next step in your life or passed away.  By doing so, you live on in their hearts and memories forever.

--Danny

My Best Man's Speech for Randy Perdue

After being friends with a man for nearly 21 years, it is tough to sift through that many memories and really pick out the moments of that friendship to share.  The one that came to mind first was the time that Randy and I started the “Nintendo Club”.  It was a club for friends of ours in the neighborhood and even had it’s own currency system with Homer Simpson as the face on the “Nintendo Buck”.  (Yes, we were nerds.)

Even into our teenage years, many of our summers were filled with endless nights spent playing video games until we literally would fall asleep with the controller in our hands.  Games like Final Fantasy 7, Gran Tourismo and SuperMario Kart were ones that took good portions of our summers and, inevitably delayed Randy’s marrying his spouse until he was 28.  Come to find out you actually have to leave the house to meet girls.  Perhaps, I should take note.

On top of all the memories one might remember from that many years of being a person’s friend, you also find out things about them, that perhaps not everyone might know.  I assume Tori knows most everything I know, but just to be certain I wanted to take a little time here to give you a heads up on a few items, Tori.  So…  Here we go….

#1.  Randy can be looking at you, nodding his head in agreement and not hear a word you’re saying…  This especially goes if he is watching sports, sports shows having to do with sports, movies about sports or a commercial involving anything that remotely resembles a sport.

#2.  It is a very good idea to get a house that comes with good ventilation or have someone install a very powerful ventilation system in your house.  This goes doubly so if he chooses a Ramen noodle-only diet for an extended period of time.  Enough said…  Just trust me on this one.

#3.  Even if Randy knows he’s wrong on a topic, he will argue till the death he is right.  The best way to solve this problem is to distract him with the aforementioned sports, sports shows having to do with sports, movies about sports or a commercial involving anything that remotely resembles a sport and then talk to him.  I would, however, suggest two things.  First, I recommend phrasing the questions in a format in which a positive response would benefit you, as he will almost always say, “uh-huh” to nearly anything you ask him in this state or nod his head in agreement.  And, secondly, obviously, have a camcorder or webcam handy and recording because, as mentioned before, he probably will not remember the conversation.

#4.  Although it is completely useless information…  I want to let you know of a little idiosyncrasy that Randy has.  Tori, don’t be alarmed when Randy talks in his sleep.  I say this only because, unlike most people, when Randy talks in his sleep, it is often in numerical code.  Instead of speaking in words and sentences, he speaks in formulas.  I wish I were kidding.  I am not.

And, yes…  For all of you who were wondering… I do, in fact, know that last point from personal experience.  As a matter of fact, Tori, Randy and I have done some number crunching and we have figured out that you will have just celebrated your fifth wedding anniversary when you will surpass the number of times I have slept with your husband.

I say all of these things because my friendship with Randy has always been defined by light-hearted humor based on a very deep and meaningful friendship.  On a normal day, if you walked by the two of us, you would hear this kind of nonsense.  And, you might think that there really isn’t much deeper than that.  But, the reality is that Randy has provided me with a listening ear, genuine advice and unwavering accountability for the majority of my life.  He has celebrated with me during the really great times when life was great and things were falling into place…  And, he has been there to encourage me and build me up when those great times have passed and my world was falling down around me.

When I look at the Biblical model for a friend, I see a great example of friendship between David and Jonathan.  I really love how The Message version of the Bible puts their friendship in 1^st Samuel 18:1.  It says this, “By the time David had finished reporting to Saul, Jonathan was deeply impressed with David—an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David's number-one advocate and friend.”

I have always felt that Randy has been my number one advocate and friend.  Even when our friendship got shaky from time to time and even when we didn’t hang out as much as we’d like, I always knew that if I really needed him he’d be there.  And, he has proved it over and over.  This past year has been a rough one for me.  And, Randy stepped up to the plate as he always has before, and helped remind me that my purpose goes beyond broken hearts, delayed dreams and financial struggles.  He remained the great friend that I knew I could count on.  And, if you want to know the definition of a great friend is…  It is a person who doesn’t reassure you that someday you’ll be someone great…  It is one that states, plainly and as non-negotiable fact, that you are already someone great.  It is a person who shares your vision for your life and holds you accountable to that purpose.  It is a person who, in essence, relays the voice of God when you are unable or unwilling to hear God’s still, small voice.  This is a responsibility that very few people are willing to assume.  But, it is a mantle of responsibility that Randy picked up and delivered to me repeatedly.  I have always known the great deal I had in having Randy as a friend.  I can only hope that I have given him the same amount of encouragement and support that I know he gives to me.

I feel very fortunate to have had the same best friend for two decades.  Especially when it has been Randy Perdue.  For all of his flaws (just as we all have flaws), he always tries to do the right thing.  Always.  And, more and more every day I am proud of him for making choices that, although might not be as “fun” as some of the choices he has made in the past, they, undoubtedly, are beneficial to him growing to be the man God wants him to be and the husband Tori needs him to be.  And, I am so happy that he found someone who makes him happy and loves him.  I know, first hand, just how loyal and giving Randy is to those people he cares about and loves.  And, from what I have known of Tori thus far, he has gotten someone as equally loyal and giving.  This parity will serve them well as they face the world together.  I am truly looking forward to the blessings that God will, inevitably, give them over their lifetime as they walk in His plan and purpose.  And, I can only hope that I have the honor to be as big of a part of their lives for each of those milestones as I have had the privilege of being a part of this one today.  I love you both.

To Randy and Tori, may they always be as happy and in love as they are right now.

10-8, Speicher In Service

Well, it's official: I have made it through the classroom training and am out on the dispatch floor where I will be taking radio calls and phone calls at different segments of time over the summer.  I have passed all of my written finals and have an adequate amount of knowledge.  Now it is time for me to implement the knowledge I have learned.  This will prove to be a difficult transition.  I have always been a good test-taker.  My scoring the highest in each of my respective finals means very little if I can't put those lessons to swift and accurate action.

It still hasn't really hit me that this is my job yet.  I have had those startling wake-up calls that have snapped me to the reality of it.  Take for instance the mother of the little boy who was having a seizure.  I listened as my co-worker (a communications officer who has only been there for three years, but speaks like she's been there a decade) calmly asked the mother question after question, prompting screen after screen on her computer to pop up.  It was absolutely amazing to me how calm she remained, how persistent she was and how specific each direction was.  Step by step the computer program, ProQA, prompted her to ask question after question, with each one leading her to an eventual priority code for the Fire/Medical and Law Enforcement units and also to what they call post-dispatch instructions.  These instructions are often mundane: Go unlock the door; put up your pets; turn on an outdoor light; watch the patient very closely; call if anything changes.  However, depending on the call, they become anything but mundane and, in the most practical and tangible way possible, save lives.  Sometimes a caller will be instructed to give CPR.  Other times the caller could even be instructed on how to deliver a baby.

And, the sobering thought hits me...  I am the one who will be giving those instructions.

There was the time that the officer came in to give details on a 10-48...  An injury accident.  They spoke of how the driver was propelled from his seat, out of the window and how it cut this artery and that artery.  "It was a good thing we got out there when we did, another minute or two and he wouldn't be with us," the officer stated.  One or two minutes.  That is my margin of error.  And, that was just on that call.  If the girl across the room hadn't taken the call quickly enough and put it in the computer quickly enough...  If the girl I was observing hadn't dispatched it out as quickly as she did...  There would be one less young man living in Douglas County today.

Humbling...  I will be the one with the zero sum margin of error.

Those thoughts come and they go.  And, I am still sitting behind a console with five computer monitors staring at me...  Expecting me to know what I'm doing.  I do not.  I am reassured by my training officer that I shouldn't know what I'm doing yet.  I wonder, at times, when he'll quit telling me that...  Is there a certain day that I should know what I'm doing?  It would be great if he'd mark that on the calendar.

This week I have been working the "info" position.  It is grueling.  I think I got the absolute worst deal possible.  I was scheduled on the morning shift which starts at 6:30am...  On the slowest position (on average maybe 10 radio communications from officers per hour)...  With a training officer who is not a morning person, either and, by his own admission, is very picky and likes things done "right"...  In my first stint out on the communications center floor.  What cruel trick are they trying to pull?  Oh well, it is trial by fire.  If I can make it through this shift with this training officer...  Surely I will be ready for most anything.

In a month I will be on the "call take" position.  This scares me more than any other position.  I joke with friends that the first time I get a panicked phone call, I'm going to tell them, "HOLY CRAP!!  YOU REALLY OUGHT OT CALL 911!!"  And, although I'm joking, that's what I'm talking about.  I seriously haven't really let it set in that I am 911.  That's me.  When people call because someone got stabbed or someone got shot or someone is having a heart attack...  I'm the first first responder.  I have to balance being professional, accurate and specific...  And being compassionate and counseling someone through what, most likely, is the worst day of their lives and, very possibly, might be the worst day of their lives, ever.  And, don't even make me think about Signal 4's...  The suicide cases.  What am I gonna say then?!?!  "Ummmm...  Don't!  PLEASE, DON'T!"  Do I at least bargain with them to wait until shift change?  Talk about a "life in your hands"...  I've talked people down from stupid decisions before...  But, talking someone out of a suicide is a whole different ball game.  It's one thing to not succeed at talking your friend out of smoking weed or drinking a half a handle of vodka...  Or going down a path of life that probably isn't best for them; It's a completely different thing to not succeed at talking someone down from putting a gun in their mouths and pulling the trigger.  I can help navigate a boat that's still sailing...  But, once they've decided to forsake the helm altogether, I cannot take the wheel.  It's over.  Ship's sunk.  And, I am left wondering if I might have been able to navigate better...  Made decisions to keep them afloat.

These are all feelings that newbies have.  I am reassured by everyone there that by the time training is over I will be nearly devoid of all feelings for callers.  I will not see them as real people.  I assume that is because if you become attached with every caller who has had a heart attack or had their cat stuck up a tree...  Then, you'd go crazy.  I can't tell if being jaded is a good thing or not.  I suppose as long as I allow for enough compassion to calm a distraught caller and muster enough personal rapport to attempt to stop a suicide, than it wouldn't be so bad being devoid of emotions.  I suppose the trick is not taking that void home with me.

Keep praying for me...  I love this job.  But, doggone it if it doesn't scare me half to death.  Here's a prayer I kind of made up on my first day of work.  It's kind of in the "Serenity Prayer" format, but modified to fit what I need God to help me with at my job.  Perhaps you can modify it to fit your job when you're feeling a bit overwhelmed.

A Dispatcher's Prayer
By: Danny Speicher
5/30/2009

Dear Lord, please help my mind to be sharp
So that I might focus on the needs of others
Help my ears to be trained
To listen to the calls that need my attention
Train my heart to persevere
Though, at times, I may feel overwhelmed
Keep my voice steady and calm
As I guide citizens and professionals
Keep my hands quick and accurate
So that I might relay details precisely

Lord, never let me become discouraged
For I know You've put me here to help my community
Never let me be fearful
For I know You drive my words and actions
Never let me forget that You are my provider
And You will provide, hour by hour, what I need in this job

It varies each time I say it.  But, I usually get the important elements in there.  And, all day long, I repeat to myself, "The Lord is my Shepherd...  The Lord is my Shepherd...  The Lord is my Shepherd...  I will fear no evil...  I will fear no evil...  I will fear no evil...  You are with me...  You are with me...  You are with me."  Somehow, the repetitiveness of those three facts from Psalm 23 really calm me down when I start stressing over a bonehead move or when I start wondering if I made the right choice to take this job.

Anyway...  Prayers.  Keep them up.  I really covet them and appreciate them!  Thanks for everything you guys do for me...  And, for understanding if I haven't been hanging out with you nearly as much as I had up to this point.  I will get back into the routine of having a social life...  But, this Saturday-Wednesday/6:30a-2:30a jazz is just eating at me.  Thanks for understanding!  Love you all!

--Danny